hi hello again internet stranger/s! it’s me, hi! i’m the problem lol how many “where do i begin” intros will i have because honestly, where do i begin? these annual essays serve as bookmarks now of what life looked like and it also serves as a reminder that i have not forgotten which version i have been. do i write in lower caps or should i switch to a better format? this version of myself says to stick to lower caps.

before we forget, hi my name is erika. i’m 24 now. well for the first half of this year, i was 23.5. actually you know what, i’m almost 24.5 (my shoe size in centimeters). where did the time go indeed. the first half of this year was such a blur now i’m looking back. i do not remember most of what happened. the days just felt like a linear blur. but i do remember there were doctor visits, lab works and a lot of waiting for results and appointments. it seemed never-ending and exhausting. through the Grace of the Lord, there were tests that came back with good results and disappointing ones as well. but it’s all good, all in time, it will all be alright.

i mentioned last year that grief was a re-occurring theme throughout my 20’s. that still holds truth. this time around, grief looked different because though it didn’t make me cry, there were tears held back because i was already a Big Ghorl and Big Ghorls Don’t Cry. it didn’t mean that there were less things and less people to be grieved about. grief looked a lot like flashbacks, it looked a lot like showing empathy and sympathy to those who were currently going through a loss. grief looked like going out for a lunch with friends but aside from the giggles there were conversations about loss and how it affects people. some days there are giant waves of grief, other times there were only puddles you can walk right across. in a way, i felt less alone. i am grateful for the friendship circle i am in. i think i have seen doctors last year more than i got to see loved ones. i’m glad i got to see friends and family more this year. i am grateful for community

career-wise, let’s skip that you all know i’m still struggling with it. i’ll figure something out, i always do. the thing that made me struggle the most about my career is the negative comments i hear about me. i guess that really is the biggest hurdle there is. but i need to overcome that, i need to drown out the noise. there really is something for me out there, and i know it’s taking awhile because it’s meant to fit me.

this year, i struggled so much with mental health it started affecting my physical health. it was baaad especially during the last half of this year. i think that’s because im fully feeling my saturn 3rd house transit lol idk i need something to blame. like what i’ve learned through the years, one day at a time. somedays, you just need to survive. you get to go to bed and hit the reset button and that’s enough for something to be grateful for.

i went to a concert this year as well! i saw the script in september. i think independence really is a key highlight of what i want in the future. i slept in an airbnb for the first time with friends OMG RIGHHHT grateful for opportunities like these honestly after a 2 year drought life-fun period im glad the pandemic restrictions are easing out.

i started reading again as part of my night routine. i think i read more books this year than any other year previously. idk cute it’s something i like really. also also big big highlight for this year was getting to upgrade my laptop SKSSKSKS LUUUV now i play games with it hahaha stardew valley, wylde flowers and lake are my faves this year.

for music, OH OH MY GOSH dover beach by baby queen is my top song on spotify wrapped i played it for a total of FOUR THOUSAND EIGHT HUNDRED EIGHTY SEVEN TIMES THAT IS A LOT. and oh the artist messaged me bc she saw my story and she told me i am dover beach and thanked me for listening HAHAHAHAHA MAIN CHARACTER FOR SPOTIFY WRAPPED THIS YEAR IS MEEEEE. Also there is a new boyband in my life (Seventeen) HEEHEE

anyway to wrap 2022 up, i am very grateful i got my health back on track. like it’s still not at optimum health, but at least im not as ill as i was this time last year. im grateful to do all these fun things this year. im grateful for friends who i reconnected with, im glad i have my my core support system . im grateful for finally having courage to build better boundaries with people in general and to balance it out im grateful for the courage for being a lot more open to sharing online. maybe it really was not yet my season to make it out in my career field. and like always, i accept with grace. there will be a season for such planned out for me, and the Lord will guide me through it, all in time. like what i said last year on my ig story — still very thankful there’s a whole lot of life left to live, a lot more art to make, a lot more love to give and a lot more songs to hear. and i come in to the new year with Grace and hopes it continues.