Here’s to 2016;

I’m not sure where to begin and how to begin this, but here we go. (LITERALLY ME EVERYDAY THIS YEAR LOL)

This year, I decided to make this post different, but still with a sense of familiarity. I’m not yet ready to do a completely different year ender post. This year, I decided to skip listing the 100 things I did because of various alibies like how I’m writing this the midnight of the 31st so I don’t have time. Another one is because I feel like I achieved more than a hundred things this year that I want to keep those achievements to myself. I decided that some things shouldn’t be written down on paper or in this case, written on a blog post for the world to read. It is not because the moments I had are not worthy to be in ink, but because I don’t have the words to describe each happy, sad, wonderful, tiring, fleeting moment that 2016 has presented me.

I remember texting a friend last New Year’s Eve, telling her that this was the year. 2016 will be my year and I even joked I might get all the baes in 2016. Well, surprise. That didn’t happen.

When the year started to unfold, at first, I was like cool everything’s doing well. It’s a clean start. At least no Valentines’ Day prank this year.

By the time March/April came, the stress was intense. I was about to lose it because I thought I was gonna fail 4C and Accounting. I was worrying so much about my grades to the extent I started being selfish and unnecessarily mean to my friends and everyone around me. I wasn’t also very kind to myself those days because I felt like a complete and utter loser who chose another wrong choice. I had those thoughts again about not belonging here because I didn’t want my course in the first place.

In May, I decided I didn’t want to take up subjects during the short term because I needed to rest my brain. I was on the brink of either a breakdown or a burn out. So I took a vacay.

June and July were emotional months. This were the months that broke me the most and I always slept with a heavy yet empty heart. I filled the cracks of my heart with films.

Even on the days prior to my birthday, even on my very birthday. It continued. I felt sad, broken and lost. I remember being on the toilet seat in our hotel room, asking why was it happening to me. It was my birthday. I don’t want it to be ruined. I just want to feel happy just for once. I thought wishing to be somewhere else far far away would make me happy, but I was already somewhere else, far far away. I still felt the same.

I hyped turning 18 so much, that the minute it turned the 21st, I didn’t feel anything. I thought it was gonna be like a Cinderella moment or something straight out of a movie. But no. I was still me and I just got older.

I thought everything was gonna go my way because duh it was my birthday. But no, it still didn’t. My own 18th birthday got ruined. Until this day, I have to cringe and laugh away the pain that it wasn’t my best birthday. And again, I wish I was somewhere else. I felt like no one understood me. I felt so alone and hurt. That no one was there for me. That I kept asking why I deserved it, why it was happening to me. I felt like I will never be genuinely happy. Not even the greetings from my friends and the 52 comments greeting me a happy birthday could make up for all the things I was feeling that day.

My birth month continued that way. Constantly getting hurt, constantly asking the question why; in varieties like “why me lol”, “why not me”, “why can’t i” to cite a few.

I felt so unhappy with all the things going on in my life. I thought to myself, “Wow, maybe this is what an adult is like. Pure sadness and obligations.”

One time around August, right after I enrolled for my junior year in college. My dad asked me if I still prayed before going to bed. I was like Yeah, I do. But deep inside I felt so guilty because though I do pray, I don’t mean it. I just say the existing prayers, sometimes mumble a few words because I was getting too sleepy and just forgot about praising God, thanking Him and even saying sorry. That was the time I was so shookt.

I had the time to complain about nothing going my way, keep asking why bad things keep happening to me, but I didn’t have the time to say a proper, meaningful prayer. I realized how my faith got so weak, that I was blinded by all the obstacles, that He had to use other people as an instrument to make me realize something, to give me a wake up call.

So August came and went and so did September, and those were the months my faith was tested the most but I still succeeded to regain it back and believe again, despite the strong waves. I started praying again and decided to reconnect with Him.

October rolled around and that was the time I talked to Him, after a long long time I poured my heart out and asked different questions (back at it with the “Why’s”), and for the first time in a looong time that I felt lighter, that I could feel blood pumping throughout my system again. Like He has got my back now even though I knew he always had. I just forgot. I left temporarily without even knowing I did, only to come back to Him.

November and most of December played out well because, I have Him back in my life now. And despite some bad days for the last 2 months of this year, I know those were just little obstacles in the way. There’s a quote that says “Don’t let those little speed bumps look like mountains they try to be”.

Anyway, like what I said in the text to my friend, I claimed 2016 to be my year. Just not in the way I expected it to be.

2016 was the most staggering. It’s the year that tested me the most in terms of my faith, patience, socializing.

2016 made me realize that even if you’re in the happiest place on earth, you could still feel the sadness radiating from your heart.

2016 taught me that sometimes God gives you what you want to realize that it’s not what you need. And this is how I’m slowly getting rid of being materialistic and trying to work on myself more.

2016 made me all kinds of broke a couple of times. I had to beg myself to stay to stay alive. 2016 made some of my friends broken too. I went from begging myself to stay alive, to begging them to stay alive for me. I wanted them to be better but I can’t even make myself a better person. But music somehow helped them, and for that I am grateful.

Wow I didn’t intend this post to be THAT SAD. HAHAHAHAA ok moving on.

2016 gave me so many challenges and I overcame them one at a time. ONE at a time. I realized you have to finish overcoming one challenge before you start facing a new one.

2016 showed me that being right isn’t always right. If you know me, I always deem myself to be wrong in a conflict. But I saw people always proving that they’re right even if they’re not. I would rather choose being kind than being right.

2016 taught me that it is what it is. You can’t change people but you can change your perspective.

2016 made me start believing in myself. There were so many instances this year where I told myself that I couldn’t do this, I couldn’t do that. But ended up doing it just for the thrill of it. And by the time I did the thing I swore on my life I couldn’t do, I felt so good about it. NTS: You got this, self.

I’ve always been a grateful person. But 2016 made me even more grateful for what I have and for what I don’t. This year, I had to trust timing. His timing. For each thing that left. there will be a time that it would be replaced with something better. But you have to wait.

Basically, I kept telling myself and to others that 2016 was such a bad year. Yeah, it was because I had so many bad days. But 2016 ain’t that bad. It gave me not only life lessons, but also some great people and memories. 2016 put me in so many wonderful places, it gave me a chance to travel again. It gave me a chance to meet new people and improve my friendship with my friends, both the new ones and the old ones.

I entered 2016 as cookie dough but I’m leaving it tonight as one tough cookie.

And I wrote a lot more paragraphs here but my laptop crashed and I’m currently using my phone (Update: I fixed it) UgH 2016 being 2016. Anyway, the only point I made there was I’m thankful 2016 didn’t turn out the way I wanted to. This year humbled me the most and literally made me so much wiser. I’m thankful for the bad days I had because it would make me appreciate the good days when they come around

Let’s all just be kind to each other in the new year. Let’s be kind to ourselves. Let’s forgive everyone who has done us wrong, but most importantly let’s forgive ourselves for for doing others wrong and for not being as kind to ourselves. Let’s try new things that scare us, run away from our comfort zone and run right back.

There were good moments this year. And here’s 95 seconds of the good things 2016 gave me, the good people that made this year a little less terrible.

 

I have nothing but high hopes for 2017. With a hopeful heart and with my remaining love, with hopes for a better year and for looking forward to go to all the places and meet people, I’m bidding goodbye to 2016.

Ready when you are, 2017.  ✨

That is aall xx

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The Ultimate 2016 playlist

The last one for this year. Aaahh. What. I cannot believe. I’m actually running out of time because I’m leaving in less than an hour. But um here we go I hope I don’t miss out some good songs because I’m just basing this on my top songs on Spotify.

Final Song by MO

Carried Away by Passion Pit

Problems Problems by Frankie

Nights by Frank Ocean

Solo by Frank Ocean

Forrest Gump by Frank Ocean

White Ferrari by Frank Ocean

Headlights by Robin Schulz, Ilsey

Stay by Kygo, Maty Noyes

By My Side by craves

YOUTH by Troye Sivan

Wild by Troye Sivan, Alessia Cara

LOST BOY by Troye Sivan

Adventure of a Lifetime by Coldplay

Hymn for the Weekend (Seeb Remix) by Coldplay

Christmas Lights by Coldplay

Everglow by Coldplay

waves (Tame Impala remix) by Miguel

Simple Things (remix) by Miguel

Peanut Butter Jelly by Galantis

Love On Me by Galantis

Portugal by WALK THE MOON

Lisa Baby by WALK THE MOON

I Can Lift A Car by WALK THE MOON

Feels Like We’re Going Backwards by Tame Impala

Fragile by Kygo, Labrinth

ILYSB by LANY

pink skies by LANY

current location by LANY

Jumpman by Drake, Future

One Dance by Drake

All We Know by The Chainsmokers

Famous by Kanye West

Truce by Twenty One Pilots

Her (Loving You) by GLADES

4AM by HUNTAR

English Girls by The Maine

Sweet Serendipity by Lee Dwyze

Polaroid by Imagine Dragons

Weight in Gold by Gallant

A Permanent Hug From You by dodie, Jack Howard

Home by Reese Lansangan

Everyday by Ariana Grande

Warm on A Cold Night by HONNE

No Place Like Home by HONNE

Dancing To The Sound of A Broken Heart by Galantis

The Scientist by Coldplay

BLUE by Troye Sivan

I Want To Write You A Song by One Direction

Grew Up at Midnight by The Maccabees

Day Two by Lemaitre

Stuck on a Puzzle by Alex Turner

For Emma by Bon Iver

Losing U by Klingande, Daylight

Home We’ll Go (Michael  by Steve Aoki

This Town by Niall Horan

Just Hold On by Louis Tomlinson, Steve Aoki

Calm Down by Opus Orange

Feast by Firewoodisland

I Remember it Now by Fossil Collective

White Night (thrupence remix) by Hayden Calnin

Mayflies by Benjamin Francis Leftwich

Atlas Hands (Thomas Jack Remix) by Benjamin Francis Leftwich

I Wanna Get Better by Bleachers

Past Lives by BORNS

Millionaire by Cash Cash & Digital Farm Animals

Juke Jam by Chance The Rapper, Justin Bieber

Follow You by Cheat Codes

City by ADHDS

Charlie Brown by Coldplay

Times Like These by The Eden Project

Serious by Kygo, Matt Corby

Late Nights by Lydia

Catch & Release (Deepend Remix) by Matt Simons

Believe by Mumford and Sons

Always by Panama

Uma by Panama Wedding

Without You by Parachute

My Way by Fetty Wap

Oh My Love by The Score

Welcome To Your Life by Grouplove

Sleep On The Floor by The Lumineers

All My Friends by Snakeships

Back 2 U by WALK THE MOON, Steve Aoki

Hannah Hunt by Vampire Weekend

Aquaman by WALK THE MOON

Goodbye by Who Is Fancy

You’re The One That I Want by Grease Cast

17 by Youth Lagoon

A Change Of Heart by The 1975

Do You Love Someone by Grouplove

Ghengis Kahn (Louis The Child remix) by Miike Snow

Not A One by The Young Wild

That is aall xx

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2016 Favorites

And so the year ender posts shall commence. Back in 2014, I started a monthly portion called “Monthly Favorites”, which died down after a year because of different million reasons I don’t remember and it was just difficult recalling which products I loved for the month. But now it’s back and hopefully I’ll start posting it again? Maybe. No promises tho.

MOVIES

Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children

I just watched this movie a few days ago and it was amazing!!! Though I haven’t read the series, as soon as I saw Tim Burton’s name on the opening credits I knew I was gonna love it 😉

Pulp Fiction

How did I just watch this amazing film this year?!?? Like I cannot even stress how much I loved this.

Nerve

DUDE. THIS FILM DOE. DAVE FRANCO. EMMA ROBERTS. IM LIVIN. I hope they do a sequel of this because I still can’t get enough.

Me, Earl and the Dying Girl

I didn’t also read the book before watching this movie. There were some people who told me they didn’t like the book so I didn’t read it. Anyway, I loved LOVED this movie. The cinematography is on point.

Alice Through the Looking Glass

“You did it Alice, an impossible thing” has been the motto of 2016 since I watched this movie. Moral of this film: Stop blaming Time for everything.

The End of The Tour

The dialogues were amazing. And it made me cry so hard. Definitely one of the best films I saw this year.

Finding Dory & Conjuring 2

We all know how these two went, backread my post from June 😛

Submarine

This was deffo the best movie I have seen this year like top of the list. I loved this film so much to the extent it was the inspiration for the film I did in my Lit class. From the editing to the filming, the twists and dialogues and music.

Moonrise Kingdom & Grand Budapest Hotel

What can I say. I caught a Wes Anderson fever this year.

Me Before You

Again, I didn’t read the book because I have already guessed that the guys was gonna die based on the next book which is Me After You. But anyway, I found the movie cute and though I didn’t cry, it made me feel sad because Sam Claffin made Emily Clarke happy aw.

Lost in Translation

Oldie but a goodie tbh. Everyone go watch it. Sofia Coppola never disappoints.

BOOKS

In Case You Come Back by Marla Miniano & Reese Lansangan, Jamie Catt

I think this was one of the first reads of the year. I loved it so much huhuhu I’m not actually sure if it’s still available or if they only printed limited copies but if you know someone who owns this, go borrow it. Quick read but it would make you feel all the feels you never felt before. Also the illustrations are the bomb!!!

The Universe Of Us by Lang Leav

This has got to be my most favorite Lang Leav book. My favorite pieces are “Her Time”, “Someone Like You” and “Crossroads”.

Summer Days and Summer Nights by Stephanie Perkins

This was the summer version of My True Love Gave To Me. My faves would have to be “The Map of Tiny Perfect Things”, “Inertia”, “Souvenirs” and “In Ninety Minutes, Turn North”

Are We There Yet by David Levithan

Short read but anything from David Levithan is greaaat

All The Bright Places by Jennifer Niven

I’m not entirely sure if I finished this early this year or late last year and since I didn’t do anymore Monthly Favorites last year I guess I’ll just include this here. If you follow me on Twitter I rave about this book sooo much and apparently it’s getting turned into a movie. :p

Isla and the Happily Ever After by Stephanie Perkins

I liked this better than Lola and The Boy Next Door, but still not gonna top Anna and The French Kiss :p

It Gets Worse by Shane Dawson

Shane Dawson is the Youtuber that I started watching this year he’s so funny and amazing like I want to be bffs with him. The Lottery is one of my faves from this book. Also the one about his Grandma (wait, I think that was in his first book but ok). It’s a super funny book but there are life lessons in each one lolz. Go check it out :p

This Is How You Lose Her by Junot Diaz

Let’s pretend I finished this book. HAHAHA. I ended up reading halfway through in the library on my phone while waiting for my classmates when we were making the class mascot and after the mascot thing, I forgot to finish it. But so far so good!!

The Love That Split The World by Emily Henry

I actually forgot the plot of this but I have recommended this book to several of my friends so I think I did love it. Lol sorry this was one of the first reads of the year and January was a long time ago so yeah.

TV SHOWS

AHS: My Roanoke Nightmare

By far the best season of AHS since Coven. This was the comeback. The Renaissance. TAISSA.

Stranger Things

I LOVED IT SO MUCH. But now when I see lights flickering I get so triggered I can’t. Even pools and walls. The world isn’t safe anymore.

Black Mirror

I just watched the 3rd season but can I just say this TV Show is so real. It’s scary because it’s too real and too intense. It could really happen in real life but it won’t but it might ya feel. HAHA

That 70’s Show

I’m halfway through the 3rd season and yes I know the ending already because I saw spoilers on Tumblr even before I knew the title of the show and before I even wanted to watch it. No I am obsessed, my friends. I AM OBSESSED. I love all the characters so much. I feel like they’re the Friends characters but 70’s version lol idk. HAAANGIN OUT DOWN THE STREET

SHOES/CLOTHING

Adidas Superstars

I know these were so 2015 and NMD’s are now the shit, but I don’t like NMD’s and I think I’ll be sticking to Superstars :p Anyway I also know everyone has a pair but it’s a classic pair. And I didn’t get the white basic ones. My dad also got the black ones he bought for me because they were too big on me bc wrong size lolz. So I got the dusty rose ones earlier in the year.

Bomber Jackets

I sooo want lots of these. I only have one 😦 I’m planning to get more in the coming year. heh

Converse Jack Purcell

These shoes are so comfortable and it’s most comfortable pair of Converse I have. I don’t mind walking in these all day. I actually have already tried, the sole gets dirty easily but idc they’re comfy af.  They’re a little more expensive than the normal Converse low tops but I swear they’re so worth it because they have that insole like the Lunarlon ones from Nike (duh bc nike and converse are sister companies) BUT not the neon green ones in the Roshes.

No-show socks

Ever since I started wearing my uniform, I had to wear no show socks when I wear my flats or even my heels so I have many pairs now and I tried to use them while wearing sneakers and THEY LOOK SO MUCH BETTER. Like, the sneakers on my feet look better heh.

Reflective Sunglasses

I started loving this trend late 2015, but I carried it the whole year. I have a blue reflective one and a kinda rose gold one. :p

RANDOM

-Shane Dawson and TheGabbieShow

NEED I SAY MORE. I super love these two. Lolz. Also because of Shane, I now believe even more in conspiracy theories HAHAHA.

Buzzfeed Unsolved

Again, another reason why I can’t sleep at night

Shiny Star Polaroid Film

These are my faaave type of film for my Instax!! I only tried it once but ahh I want to buy one again because they look so cute :(((

Podcasts

I was so obsessed with The Black Tapes during my summer break ugh I hope they return soon. Lore is also quite good!

2016 PHOTODUMP

Remember the post I did last year as one of the year ender posts? Yeah well, I don’t really have time to do another one because there are 3 more (YES 3 MORE) posts before the year ends tomorrow. Anyway, here are some pics from my camera roll. Most of them are from my trip to HK on my birthday and some are the majestic sunsets I have ever seen.

1

2345

That is aall xx

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From New York to LA

Y’ALL. I am well and alive!!! I could not believe I survived that semester I COULD NOT BELIEVEEE. I went through hell and back and wow I’m here.

So while I was (mostly) away this month, this is what happened:

  • I finished my last 2 requirements for the sem earlier than most of my classmates and I was oh so happy
  • My crush is currently somewhere in New York City (Hence the title of this post hehe). And he had a freakin haircut and he was wearing yellow in one of the posts!!! AHH. HE LOOKS LIKE THE HEART EYES EMOJI
  • I just found out that Miracle on 54th Street is actually Miracle of 34th Street… ALL. THIS. TIME. WHAT.
  • I don’t how I did it but I actually had my final exams and I think I did okay and better than I expected because I didn’t review at all.
  • I had a clutch sleepover with my friends. Literally, we planned this for 2 years and we finally pushed through with it.
  • I now know what  Soju tastes like. Nope. Never again. Sorry. I’m sticking to Korean ice cream.
  •  Anyway, late night conversations with friends >>>. I opened up about the boys I liked this year (SURPRISE BET U DIDNT SEE THAT COMING because I was complaining about life 100.1% in my posts the whole year). And I’m surprised as well because those were all silly and weird crushes. The kind I get when someone’s reaaally nice to me and couldn’t get over for at least 2 weeks because ~kindness wins, children~. HAHAHAHA. If it lasts for more, I should be concerned. Still not sure if it was my heart opening up or it was the Soju and Daiquiri mixing. I’m not too sure. Next sleepover I’m not drinking anymore so I know what I should say and I shouldn’t. HAHAHAHA
  •  I’ve been binge-watching That 70’s Show (halfway through Season 3) and Black Mirror (currently on Ep 5). So gud. Y’all need to watch it. 101/10
  • Anyway, for Christmas this year we all thought we were going to the beach but reserving 4 days before Christmas Eve isn’t the way to go. So we’re just gonna have a simple dinner lolz and that’s alright haha.
  • I didn’t ask for anything this Christmas (again surprise!!!) HAHAHAHA. Like I said in my birthday post this year, I’m contented and grateful with all the material things I have. I just wish to be a better person this year and continually grow as a person. SURE DID BECAUSE I GOT HIT BY OBSTACLES I FELT LIKE I WAS IN THE SHOW WIPEOUT.
  • But learned a lot about myself and about life and the world this year.
  • Well, didn’t expect to go that way. Let’s save that for my end of the year posts. Lolz
  • I’m also gonna bake Hot Cocoa cookies heh.

That is aall xx

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Can I give you what you need

hi this is one of those all lower case posts because it’s finals week and i know i’ve been gone for a month but it’s been hectic and i’ve been sad again for awhile lelz but im just checking in to tell you guys im still alive. i’ll be back next week forshizzle i just need to get through finals week and hello christmas break lolz ok that is all! i still have to do my last 2 requirements :p

That is aall xx

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