For 2018

2018. Where do I even begin. I know I’ve been gone for the entire year, I didn’t blog for the whole 2018. I don’t want to explain further but I guess life just happened. I got caught up with the demands of school and life so I didn’t get to blog. I didn’t have words, I didn’t have time to even think of the combination of words to describe what was happening to me. I tried my best to do a comeback month after month. “Maybe just a playlist”, “An update post to inform everyone I’m very much alive”, the drafts of those are still on my phone none of them would ever see the light of day.

Honestly, I couldn’t write because I lost words. Later on, I realized I was the one who was lost. Like 95% of the time this year, I was lost. And the 5% were the times I thought I wasn’t, but I really was. I didn’t know who I was anymore especially after graduation. I was labeled for 12 years as a student, but soon after graduating, I wasn’t a student in school anymore. I now have become a student of life. And that transition was so difficult. I’m still going through the transition phase of it right now.

Maybe this would be the shortest year end post because I don’t feel like writing. I feel like this is such a bold move because I, surprisingly, have a hard time of sharing my feelings now that I’m a bit older. Especially on the interwebs HAHAHAHA.  But like all other years that went by, I’m gonna share the little and big things I learned throughout this year. I’ve already started this tradition so I have to go with it.

At the beginning of the year, I learned how to wait. What was I waiting for? Nothing. Something. Anything. Everything. Sometimes I was waiting for one of them, sometimes all of them all at once. That was overwhelming, in all honesty. I learned how to be patient, to wait for my turn. To wait for my timing.

Everyone already started their internships, while I was stuck waiting for the longest time for mine. I only applied to one company and I stuck by it because I wanted it. I wanted it so bad, that in my mind and heart that if I didn’t get it, I would drop the subject and extend for another sem. My turn didn’t come until mid March when everyone was about to finish their 300 hours. I didn’t care I wanted it. I was so happy when I finally got my phone interview. The confirmation e-mail brought me so much joy, finally my prayers were getting answered. I started it March, and finished it by May. It was alright I guess but I learned so so much from my internship, not only in my field but so much as a person. Which brings me to the next lesson, kindness.

I’ve seen people go do the lowest of lows a person could do just to get what they want. They screamed foul words, reacted unpleasantly towards their fellow humans. I’ve seen people be so cold that they become toxic to everyone around them. I know everyone has a battle, or have lost a battle, that’s why they’re like that. A professor in college once said, “we are all victims of the past”. Like me, like you, like them, we have experienced something in the past that changed our views, maybe for the better or for worse.  That’s why we are the people we are now. But kindness in whatever way expressed is very important, it is vital. To me, it cancels out negativity, toxic things in the world. Just a few kind words could change someones day, even their views on life.

Morgan Harper Nichols’ words, helped me get through this year. I only found out about her words after my struggles of the first half of 2018 was over. It was life changing.“In the waiting, I am still growing” stuck with me. And for that, I am grateful for her words.

Anyway, like all the other years I have grown so much as a person but it may have not seemed like it. But I did. I am no longer the girl who posted the year ender last year. I’m completely different. I read somewhere, “when you ask God for growth, don’t be surprised when it starts to rain”. I asked Him specifically to grow this year. And when ~bad things~ started happening to me, I didn’t know what to do. Later on, I realized those ~bad things~ weren’t as bad as all. It was making me ready, it was making me grow. I shifted to “gratitude over attitude” mindset and tbh it helped me the most. Rather than complaining about the situation that I was in, I began to be thankful that I was in that situation no matter how bad or unlucky it was. Becoming grateful so so sOoo much has been life changing. It has been something I’ve been working in for so long, and it’s still something I’m working on.

I have finally accepted this year that I’m still a work in progress. I haven’t figured out everything yet. I’m this speck of dust who doesn’t know her place yet in this universe. And that’s fine not to have everything figured out. It’s fine to take it one day at a time. You have to drown the negative thoughts and all the doubts from others and from yourself, especially from yourself. At the end of the day, all you have is yourself. You’re stuck with yourself forever. You have to nurture yourself inside and out. You have to tick all the boxes from your to-do list but if you couldn’t tick a handful of them, please know that it is okay. Again, one day at a time. One goal at a time.

I’m very very veRY grateful for everything that has happened to me this year. Maybe this year was the year that I’ve become most grateful and I’m bringing that kind of energy in the coming years. I am grateful for all the songs I’ve listened to that made me feel alive and for the songs that made me feel like I’m in a coming of age film. I am grateful for all the opportunities I had this year; from my internship in my dream company, going to Harry Styles’ concert with a rad friend (hehe the pun doe), graduating college, to a small, humble business I put up this year with some family members. I am one blessed egg and sometimes I fail to see that. Which I know I shouldn’t. I pray that I am always reminded that there are so many things to be grateful for. And there are so many things to still experience, many feelings to feel. I hope to heal. I hope to find genuine happiness. I still hope to grow and finally bloom. I hope to see not only sunrises, but also sunsets; beautiful ones and the mundane ones. When I look back at 2018, I will be looking back with gratitude. Thank you, 2018. For the people I’ve met, for my solid support system, for good movies like To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before, good books like Everything All At Once by Katrina Leno, good vloggers like David Dobrik and Elle Mills. Thank you thank you thank you.

For 2019, I do not know you yet and I don’t know what you have in store for me. But hey, I’m Erika. And I’m ready to sparkle. I’m ready to bloom. Whatever it is that you have for me, I am already grateful. To becoming the person I will be, here’s to another 12 months of adventures and making things happen. All I can say is, ready when you are, 2019.

P.S: here are moments from my 2018. I hope everyone gets to go, grow and glow for the new year. Happy new year, everyone.

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The Comeback

A tornado flew around my room and I got transported to the Land of Oz. I met new friends and defeated The Wicked Witch of the East and returned safely back home. And that sounds just like the plot of The Wizard of Oz but come to think of it also sounds like my senior year in college.

Now that I got your attention, hello there friend, old friend, new friend, ex friend. Let me re-introduce myself. Hi I’m Erika and I started this blog when I was 13 because I was a wannabee blogger. This blog served as an outlet of mine during my early teen years, exposing my awkward moments with my high school crushes and typical, cringy teenage musings.

Then it turned as an online journal a few years later, where I documented my monthly favorites and continually updated my monthly playlists to remember songs. And then, this year the blog accumulated dust and cobwebs. I decided to hibernate. This “hibernation” started a few months back, around mid-March. If you scroll down a little, you can see that I already did a little hiatus around that time then came back around April. Anyway, I would really blame the amount workload I had at that time.

But there were more reasons why I needed that hibernation. I just didn’t do it on this blog, I literally did it in my personal life. I just became lowkey. YA FEEL. I didn’t post much on Twitter and Instagram, I didn’t talk much to my friends, I spent more time with myself. Like dude, I treated myself during my 3 hour breaks. If I didn’t have requirements to rush, I’d go out of school and treat myself to a frappe. But if I had some school work to do, I’d do it for an hour, nap for the remaining time and wake up around 15 minutes before my last class. 3 hour breaks became me time. And it helped a loooot. A LOT. Especially when you’re majoring in a business course which meant you had to socialize every subject. The introverted child in me got drained. That’s why I woke up one day super drained, and decided to just do that thing I did. HAHAHAHA. There ya go.

I don’t really owe an apology to myself, to my online self who runs this blog. Doing this hibernation shiznit, made my entire being a bit better as a person. I LITERALLY GOT A GRIP, FINALLY. And I had a clearer version of where I wanted to head to in life. This year might now be the least documented year of my life on this blog, but it was the most documented on film/photos and knowing that there was one less obligation for me to do (aka come up with a weekly post), helped me a lot. I focused on getting school work done and afterwards rewarded myself with a movie marathon or a vlog marathon hehez.

I just want to share a lot more but I just can’t expose myself as much as I want to because years from now, I will be cringing while reading this post. DUD. And yeah, that’s about it. I might be sharing a few events that happened around August-Early December but it would be on a different post, maybe on the year end post. Let’s see though.

That’s all. My point is to never forget to take a breather once in a while then when you’re ready for it, make your comeback. This is my comeback. It’s a bit lame but ugh idc at least I came back. HEYYY IM BACK LET THAT SINK IN. THIS IS THE REAL CHRISTMAS MIRACLE CHARLIE BROWN. Have a good Christmas, everyone.

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The Ultimate 2016 playlist

The last one for this year. Aaahh. What. I cannot believe. I’m actually running out of time because I’m leaving in less than an hour. But um here we go I hope I don’t miss out some good songs because I’m just basing this on my top songs on Spotify.

Final Song by MO

Carried Away by Passion Pit

Problems Problems by Frankie

Nights by Frank Ocean

Solo by Frank Ocean

Forrest Gump by Frank Ocean

White Ferrari by Frank Ocean

Headlights by Robin Schulz, Ilsey

Stay by Kygo, Maty Noyes

By My Side by craves

YOUTH by Troye Sivan

Wild by Troye Sivan, Alessia Cara

LOST BOY by Troye Sivan

Adventure of a Lifetime by Coldplay

Hymn for the Weekend (Seeb Remix) by Coldplay

Christmas Lights by Coldplay

Everglow by Coldplay

waves (Tame Impala remix) by Miguel

Simple Things (remix) by Miguel

Peanut Butter Jelly by Galantis

Love On Me by Galantis

Portugal by WALK THE MOON

Lisa Baby by WALK THE MOON

I Can Lift A Car by WALK THE MOON

Feels Like We’re Going Backwards by Tame Impala

Fragile by Kygo, Labrinth

ILYSB by LANY

pink skies by LANY

current location by LANY

Jumpman by Drake, Future

One Dance by Drake

All We Know by The Chainsmokers

Famous by Kanye West

Truce by Twenty One Pilots

Her (Loving You) by GLADES

4AM by HUNTAR

English Girls by The Maine

Sweet Serendipity by Lee Dwyze

Polaroid by Imagine Dragons

Weight in Gold by Gallant

A Permanent Hug From You by dodie, Jack Howard

Home by Reese Lansangan

Everyday by Ariana Grande

Warm on A Cold Night by HONNE

No Place Like Home by HONNE

Dancing To The Sound of A Broken Heart by Galantis

The Scientist by Coldplay

BLUE by Troye Sivan

I Want To Write You A Song by One Direction

Grew Up at Midnight by The Maccabees

Day Two by Lemaitre

Stuck on a Puzzle by Alex Turner

For Emma by Bon Iver

Losing U by Klingande, Daylight

Home We’ll Go (Michael  by Steve Aoki

This Town by Niall Horan

Just Hold On by Louis Tomlinson, Steve Aoki

Calm Down by Opus Orange

Feast by Firewoodisland

I Remember it Now by Fossil Collective

White Night (thrupence remix) by Hayden Calnin

Mayflies by Benjamin Francis Leftwich

Atlas Hands (Thomas Jack Remix) by Benjamin Francis Leftwich

I Wanna Get Better by Bleachers

Past Lives by BORNS

Millionaire by Cash Cash & Digital Farm Animals

Juke Jam by Chance The Rapper, Justin Bieber

Follow You by Cheat Codes

City by ADHDS

Charlie Brown by Coldplay

Times Like These by The Eden Project

Serious by Kygo, Matt Corby

Late Nights by Lydia

Catch & Release (Deepend Remix) by Matt Simons

Believe by Mumford and Sons

Always by Panama

Uma by Panama Wedding

Without You by Parachute

My Way by Fetty Wap

Oh My Love by The Score

Welcome To Your Life by Grouplove

Sleep On The Floor by The Lumineers

All My Friends by Snakeships

Back 2 U by WALK THE MOON, Steve Aoki

Hannah Hunt by Vampire Weekend

Aquaman by WALK THE MOON

Goodbye by Who Is Fancy

You’re The One That I Want by Grease Cast

17 by Youth Lagoon

A Change Of Heart by The 1975

Do You Love Someone by Grouplove

Ghengis Kahn (Louis The Child remix) by Miike Snow

Not A One by The Young Wild

That is aall xx

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finalsss

4 MORE DAYS BEFORE I POST SOMETHING. UGHGIGJH SORRY bye WISH ME LUCK I NEED TO PASS ALL MY SUBJECTS /NOT THAT I FAILED ANYTHING SMH/ HAHAHA

That is aall xx

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Just how fast the night changes

Four got leaked last Monday and can I just… I just I can’t. I will (definitely) post a Four review maybe this week, when I get the HQ copy. Heehee. Also, if you haven’t heard the leak (lol lame-o people), Night Changes, 18 and Where Do Broken Hearts Go are the best songs off the album.

I also got my grades. Believe it or not, my Theo grade went up by 17 points. Aaahhh. I also didn’t expect to have an 87 in Management because the exam was so hard I came out crying.  Some of my grades went down but I have to work hard so so hard to get those subjects up. Lol. So thank you Lord!!

AND I GOT MY OFFICIAL OTRAT TICKET AAAAHHHH. I’m just so excited. The ticket itself has my own name and I just can’t believe I’m seeing my bbys. :(((

So there’s this pre-enrollment thing and I just hope I’ll still be in the same block as my other blockmates gaaah.

I’m also getting a pair of Roshe soon. Woot woot!

 

And I don’t know what else happened this week. I’m really sorry for the short posts. College has been so tiring and nothing much happens because it’s all about the academics now not like highschool where there was drama and kilig moments everyday 😦

That is aall xx

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