This year on my Spotify Wrapped, it was discovered my top auras are wistful and focused. I agree on the former, the latter is true but only to an extent.
BTW. Ok let’s start off with the my Spotify Wrapped hahahaha here u go.
Being a 20 something in the middle of a never-ending pandemic, I really was longing to be, to do and to see so many things. I was longing to spend time with friends and family, longing to have a good career, to finally move out of my childhood bedroom. Lots and lots of opportunities were lost and robbed from me because of this pandemic and I’ve been in a constant state of grief for who knows how long. I’ve been grieving for the end of the small business I started after graduating. I was grieving for my grandparents who passed away just with exactly a year and a half gap. I grieved for friends who I thought would be at my wedding someday soon but it turns out some friendships lose their spark and it’s just the way it is — we were only meant to be friends for a season in our lives. I was grieving for acquaintances, old colleagues who passed away young. I was grieving for who I thought I would have been by now at 21, 22, and again at 23. Everything from my old life feels like it was only a fever dream at this point. It feels like grief has been a theme for almost 3 years now and it seems to me that grief isn’t a lesson to be learned, it’s clear now that grief is something that comes in waves. I can only grow with it and this year I found that acceptance, for all things lost and gained, is the only way to keep Grief calm.
Woah there I think I went a little too direct to the point for the first full paragraph of this year end I struggled so much this year more than any other year so far. I struggled with health — physically, mentally, emotionally, even spiritually. It only has gotten better during the last few weeks. I think I started getting sick around the middle of August. Turns out I had G.I tract problems that need to be solved that’s why I’ve turned my lifestyle an entire 360. All that I used to eat, I can’t anymore. And all that I didn’t eat in my childhood/teen years, those are the only food I could eat huhu. That means no more McDo fries and Potato corner. I may or may have not cried over the fact that I can no longer eat my favorites, especially during the beginning of my diet DOUBLE DA HUHU. I’m also struggling with the White Coat Syndrome so my anxiety always gets triggered while my return checkup date creeps up, and most especially when I’m at the hospital waiting for my turn. I don’t know it’s just a deep rooted fear that got dug up and now it’s even more under the spotlight because I have to go almost every month to the doctor. I do not know how to heal from it but I pray to get better soon health-wise, in all aspects in life. Really. Truly. I’m blaming my 12th house scorpio with activated chiron placements for everything that has happened to me so far.
In case you missed it, yes, I’m still unemployed. I’m coming almost 4 years of unemployment. Honestly, I don’t know how I’m gonna explain to the HR HAHAHAHA guess we’ll just cross the bridge when we get there! I think I’ve been avoiding the topic for so long and I think I’ll continue avoiding to talk about it because I might cry like I always do whenever I talk about my plans in life! It’s just that whenever I plan to do something regarding my career, it’s like… IDK it’s like the Universe keep throwing things at me to prevent me from doing what I should be doing ?!1! YA FEEL??? It’s like what the great hottie Jess Mariano once said, “I want to be good, life’s just not letting me.”. Truly a true blue INFP bestie.
Speaking of, I watched Gilmore Girls this year and you just know that I stole Lorelai and Rory’s personalities. I’m actually going through my flop era (yes, still) like Rory Season 5-7. I heard she was still in her flop era in the reboot. I hope I don’t take that long and I get out of my flop era immediatelyYyyyy. Gilmore Girls is probs one of my comfort shows. I don’t think I have ever related to a show so much in my life. I got so invested in it lol I was Chilton Rory for Halloween!
Another show obsession of my is Youth of May! It’s a KDrama, justttt google the plot! But I’m already telling you I made 4 tiktok edits about it and it had good engagement!!! DOMINSI WORLD DOMINATION AGENDA IS WORKING !!!!
Anyway ANYWAY this year was not my year but it was Olivia Rodrigo’s year so I guess that’s ok. Did you know as I was listening to her first album, there was a snake that entered my room?!!!1? BRUH. A BLACK SNAKE!!!!!! Guess she wanted to listen to 1 step forward, 3 steps back bc she heard Olivia used the sample of New Year’s Day for that song. Also patched things up with Taylor Swift especially after her re-recordings of Fearless and Red. THE ALL TOO WELL 10 MIN VERSION TAYLOR’S VERSION AND THE SHORT FILM OH MY MYYYY A SAD GIRL AUTUMN INDEED.
Anyway, I think that’s all I can share about this year. Before I end this post, I just want to say that I’ve been posting here since my sophomore year of high school and I’ve grown so much since then, and I’ve shared so much of my teenage life on here. Now that I’m in my 20’s, I’m just choosing to pick out what I can share. Gorgeous gorgeous girls keep their life a mystery! Lol that’s a tiktok trend right now. Grateful and blessed despite everything. Through His Grace, I’m still here. And that only reason is more than enough to be even more grateful for this year and now onto the next 365. OOOOF 2021 WHAT WAS THAT!!!! 2022 LET’S DO BETTER!!!!!!
Til the next version of me,
Someday, Elsewhere 