the world doesn’t turn, alright

Okay so I’m back from Manila and I want to blog about the concert but I can’t yet because I don’t have time and I have 2 planned blog posts before that. I have a 3 day vacay this week because Holy Week so I think I’m gonna post it. Or tomorrow and on Tuesday. I don’t knowww lolz.

Anyway, I think I’m going to rant about Zayn for awhile because other than PCD, and me being sick that’s the only thing I want to talk about now. If you still don’t know, Zayn has left the band. You see I’m in that stage where I’m no longer in denial even if I still want to but I can’t anymore deny because I am angry. Okay wait wait. I am not angry at Zayn. I will forever love and support him no matter what. But it’s just that I loved and supported him for 4 years and all he did was end his era in One Direction through a Facebook post??!???? I don’t get it anymore and there are a lot of rumors that that wasn’t really what Zayn said and he was fired and blah and all that stuff. I don’t believe in anything anymore. At this point, I just want Zayn back. Where he belongs. With his 4 brothers. Like can’t he just finish the tour and leave the band after?? No one knew that the concert in HK was his last ever. (I even think that the boys only knew that it was his last in Asia and he was coming back after Jakarta.) And I don’t even know anymore!!! Just like Liam said, it has been a strange 24 hours lmao :(((

But again, as long as the 5 boys exist, I will be here. Liam, Louis, Harry and Niall need me now. They all need us now. Zayn too needs someone. Let’s just be there for all of them. Like the time they were there for us, when no one else was. I’m right here, I’m staying ’til the end. And when I say the end, I mean when the last member dies.

Okay anyway, like I said, I will always love and support Zayn. And just like what Rosie said in Love, Rosie, “I’ve realized no matter where you are or who you’re with, I will always, truly, completely love you.” I will always love Zayn because he is my hero. He saved me. He’s one of the reasons why I’m still here. And I will always be thankful for all the lessons he taught me. I’m also grateful for the up all nights, and the for the roller coaster ride. But I guess this time, I need to step out of this roller coaster and ride a new one. 🙂

ZAYN IF YOU’RE READING THIS I AM NOT MAD. I AM SAD. BUT I HAVE TO BE HAPPY FOR YOU BECAUSE IF LEAVING THE BAND MAKES YOU HAPPY, THEN SO BE IT. I NEED TO BE HAPPY FOR YOU TOO. YOU HAVE BROUGHT ME HAPPINESS NO ONE ELSE HAS AND I THINK NO ONE EVER WILL BUT WOW OKAY. LOVE YOU CUTIE.

Also, I still don’t know whether this is the best or worst week of my life.

 

//And I will carry you over fire and water for your love. And I will hold you closer, hope your heart is strong enough. When the night is coming down on you, we will find a way through the dark. //

That is aall xx

ENDER14

Advertisements

I made a mixtape straight out of ’94

Lol

I don’t really have the time to upload this mix on 8tracks, I will soon though once I’m not that busy. (I have a long summer vacation this year okay so watch out for that). This is for you. Fourteen songs for fourteen spectacular moments. JK THIS IS FOR HARRY

 (KIDDING THIS IS REALLY FOR YOU BUT SOME SONGS ARE FOR HARRY AND NIALL AND ALL THE OTHER BOYS I LOVE OKAY WOW IM SORRY I SHOULD REALLY BE OVER YOU NOW BUT IDK THIS VERY DAY LAST YEAR WAS SPECIAL EVEN IF IT WAS EMBARRASSING FOR PROBABLY THE BOTH OF US BUT IDEK IF YOU REMEMBER IT BUT IDK WTF BYE)

i. She Looks So Perfect by 5SOS

ii. All I Want by Kodaline

iii. High Hopes by Kodaline (so much feels)

iv. To Love Somebody by Michael Buble

v. Falling In Love At A Coffee Shop by Landon Pigg

vi.We Could Happen by AJ Raphael 

vii.Yellow by Coldplay

viii. Just A Feeling by Maroon 5

ix. I Would Die For You by Mat Walters

x. Strong by One Direction

xi. Baby I’m Yours by Arctic Monkeys

xii. Can’t Help Falling In Love by Fleet Foxes

xiii. Please Don’t Say You Love Me by Gabrielle Aplin

xiv. How Long Will I Love You by Ellie Goulding

I hope everyone enjoyed their Valentines day! And to the people who didn’t really celebrate it, *high five* kidding. You have the next year and the year after that and many more years to find your valentine 😉 “The one” is just around and I swear, he/she is coming as fast as he/she can, hang in there 🙂

ENDER

I might fall in love with you a little

If you’re a guy and you do any thing from this list… then I might fall in love with you a little.

• Make playlists/mixes for me

• Offer me the last fry

• Sing my favorite songs right before I sleep

• If you know little things about me

• Give me handwritten letters

• Fall asleep on my shoulder

•  Praise my work (something artsy)

• Constantly ask me if I’m okay

• If you ask if it’s okay to hug me

• Tell me your secrets

• Tell me stories about you (when you were younger and your experiences)

• If you sing the Doctor Who theme

• Instead of sending me “Good morning, beautiful”, send me some cheesy quote or joke to start my day.

• If you like one/all of my favorite bands, let’s get married 

• When you laugh at my jokes

• Blush whenever you talk to me

• Bring me pizza

• Kiss my forehead (hehe landi)

• If you read my favorite book and say that you like it

• Hold my hand and sing “Your hand fits in my like it’s made just for me” huhu

• Put your arm around me and touch the side of my neck (no wait you have to be niall horan to do this)

• Play with my hair (I don’t let people play with my hair but I’ll let you play with it)

• Send me annoying selfies hahaha

• Sit down with me and enjoy the 3pm-5pm sun

• Give me a daisy with a sweet random note on it

• WELL UM THIS IS SO CHEESY I S2G I MIGHT FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU IF YOU LOOK ME IN THE EYES AND SAY THAT YOU LOVE ME AND MEAN IT NO NO I WILL LEGIT FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU IF YOU DO THIS

ENDER

3 Phases

Remember when we were young and when we thought boys were icky, yucky, disgusting because they smelled bad, they were annoying, they were dumb and unattractive. Remember that time when they called us names, pulled our hair and made us cry? Yes? I know we all had that i-dont-like-boys-because-they-suck-and-they’re-gross phase. 

But all of a sudden, those boys who called us names, kicked the back of our chairs and who we defined as “icky”, grew up and got hit by the puberty bus. BAM just like that, they got attractive, they got nice, they got taller, they weren’t as icky as they were before and they got smart, too.
Remember when you had your first real crush? Not a celebrity one, but a real one. The one who you can talk to, the one you see in school or somewhere else. Remember all those butterflies in your stomach? All those “kilig” moments you had with your crush? And you even remember the date when he talked to you? Yes? And now we have that “i-like-boys-because-they’re-hot-nice-and-they-smell-good” phase.
But then you get your heart broken. Your heart might have been shattered by a crush (because he doesn’t like you back or because he ended up with someone else), by a boyfriend (because he broke up with you or he cheated on you ) or by someone random from the street (because he has a better love life than you even though you look more attractive and he looks just like Homer Simpson). It doesn’t matter who, but sooner or later you will go back to that “i-dont-like-boys-because-they-suck-and-they’re-gross” phase. You will hate all of the boys that surround you  (well, maybe except your dad or your uncle or your grandpa) because you’ll think they’ll just break your heart again anyway and they’re all just the same.
But after all those cheesy movies you watched and you cried at, all those tissues you used to wipe your tears, all those empty ice cream containers and chocolate wrappers, you’ll realize that you can’t be that way forever. And eventually you’ll just move on and get over it. Or someone will come out of the blue to help you fix your broken heart. And most probably, you’ll fall in love with that someone who helped you. And here comes that “i-like-boys-because-they’re-hot-nice-and-they-smell-good” phase again.
Then it goes back to that “i-dont-like-boys-because-they-suck-and-they’re-gross” phase again and etc etc. I guess it’s like a cycle. You’ll stay for a while in a phase, then things change and you transfer to another phase, then things change again and you go back to the previous phase because you think your life was so much better in that phase.
But there’s this “50% love-50% hate” phase… It means that half of you love boys (boys like the celebrity ones) and the other half of you hate boys. (boys as in the real ones you get to interact with everyday). I’m pretty sure a lot are experiencing this phase right now. And that includes me. My advice to all those who are in this phase, stay here. I know your heart got broken by someone and you’re afraid or tired to love again. Guess what? I got mine broken, shattered and stepped on too and to be honest, I’m afraid to love. I know it sucks, but let’s just stay in this phase for a while. Until we all recover, have the courage to love again, and until we find that special someone. (Don’t worry, if we don’t find that special someone, we’ll always have band guys and fictional characters to comfort and love us)
No matter what phase you are in, it’s still up to you if you’ll say there or not. It’s up to you if you choose to be with someone else or to be alone. For me, I’m still not sure when will I have another phase. But I’m pretty happy that I’m experiencing this “50% love 50% hate” phase. I just can’t wait to go back to that “i-like-boys-because-they’re-hot-nice-and-they-smell-good” phase and experience love again (or one sided love, I should say.) Hmm.. I guess I’ll have to wait. I don’t care how many years I have to wait until I go through that phase again. I promise to wait. True love will find me. 😉 xx